All I know is that if there ever comes a day when I can finally call you mine, I’d do everything in my power to never take you for granted. I never want you to feel like you are not appreciated.
Also, special shout out to the one that makes my heart happy, you know who you are. Thank you for catching me as I fell in love with you. I am grateful and thankful for you, and for everything you do for me. I love you, with everything in me.
What exactly does it take, to know what is real, what is truth? I am constantly being asked the question I hate hearing the most, “What do you want from me?” and it hurts me to know that I demand too much out of people, because I don’t trust whatever it is they have already given me. And why is that? Why can’t I grasp the concept of trust, let alone truth? Ask me what it is that I want from you and sorry to say I don’t have an answer, because I myself don’t even know what I am looking for. Though I understand that it is not your job, to wait around to figure out with me what it is I am looking for. And I understand that it is not fair for me to expect so much out of you. I don’t know what it is that I want from you, nor do I know what you want from me. But I am here, and I always will be, even though I am too selfish of a person to deserve you.
I wrote this whole paragraph, a long one I might add, about all the happiness I was feeling at the moment. And then it got deleted, (on accident of course) and now if I were to try to remember all the happy things I wrote and rewrite them again, I feel like I would be lying to myself.
There was a point in time where no matter what, and how much unnecessary (necessary) shit was going on, I was still in a constant state of sanity. “You keep me sane.” But not anymore, because our hearts are in different places, let alone our minds for that matter. What to do. I do not even know, but I am trying to remain optimistic, that my heart is where it needs to be, finally. Now, to just get my mind to adjust, and move forward along with my heart. It’s Holiday season too. Not sure I am entirely ready for this one either. But, I have a feeling this year will be different. But my Guardian Angel has been telling me otherwise this week, so really. I have no idea what to think either. Hence, losing my mind.